Posts Tagged ‘ wordplay ’

Word Search: He/She/Ze, Boyfriend/Girlfriend/???

One of my friends, Lo, is dating someone who prefers gender neutral pronouns. That is simple enough. She will say, “Ze called me this morning” or “I need to call zir back.”

Lo was talking about her relationship and I noted that she kept using the term “my boyfriend.” I asked her why, and she admitted that she didn’t know what else to use.

We discovered a language problem.

In a relationship where one person identifies as something other than male or female, “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” do not work. We decided that the terms “partner” and “significant other” seem too formal and imply a degree of longevity or commitment that might not be there. Omitting the gender and simply referring to them as “friend” denies the shared relationship. “Special friend” sounds ridiculous.

And so, we are posing a question. What terminology exists to acknowledge a relationship with someone who identifies as genderqueer or otherwise outside of the binary? Is there a good word to say “Ze is my ____”? If not, let’s make one up. What would you suggest?

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Current Obsession: Andrea Gibson

Andrea Gibson. I can’t get enough of her.

I’ve always loved slam poetry. I love the lyricism, the rhythm,  the word play. I love the brutal honestly, the hard truths. Now, I love Andrea Gibson.

I was lucky enough to see her perform the other night. I was even more lucky to be sitting all of about five feet away. I was also the lucky one to give her a piece of honey candy when her throat was scratchy.  And lucky enough to get a hug and be told that my “adorable smile made performing more fun” and that she likes my candy. (I may or may not have a huge crush…)

Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Her delivery was amazing. Despite touring over half the year, her performance seemed fresh. She is anti-war, dubious of organized religion, and supportive of all things queer- and unapologetic about all of it. That boldness is refreshing.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough cash to buy her CDs and book, but I will be ordering them online. I encourage you to do the same.  At the very least, at least check out her videos on Youtube.

And now I will leave you with a couple of my favorites: for anyone who has ever worked with children, for anyone who has ever been in love, and for those of us who dream of a more just world.

Defining Sex

In case you haven’t figured it out already, I like to talk about sex. Inevitably, while talking about sex, the question, “How many people have you had sex with?” comes up. I never know what answer to give.

It’s not that I don’t know how many people I’ve been intimate with. I’m pretty sure I can rattle off a list of everyone I’ve kissed in chronological order. It’s just that I am still figuring out what I define as sex.

As of now, I’ve come to a few conclusions:
I think fucking is sex. Penis in vagina is sex. Dildo in vagina is sex. Anal sex is sex.
I think oral sex is sex. I don’t care if teenagers say they are saving themselves for marriage and a blow job doesn’t count. For me, oral sex is the most intimate of sex acts. That intimacy, to me, is sex.

Other than that, I haven’t decided. One of my friends says it’s sex if you orgasm, but that would mean a lot of married women with children aren’t having sex. Is it sex if it feels good? Where do you draw the line between “fooling around” and having sex? Where do you draw the line between touching and fucking?

I want to know what you think. What do you consider “sex?” I’ll add more later, but I want to hear what other people have to say because my opinions might sway your comments.

Or did whoever say “If you think you’re having sex, you’re having sex” have it all figured out? (Also who was that? I thought it was Alix Olsen, but I can’t seem to find it in any of her lyrics. Was it the Athens Boys Choir?)