Archive for the ‘ Random ’ Category

Arizona Girls

I spend the last few days visiting a graduate program in Arizona.

On the flight home, I was seated next to two (male) prospective PhD students in engineering. We were talking about how beautiful the campus was and how much we liked the professors.

“Everyone was really friendly,” I said. “Maybe it’s the constant sunshine.”

“Yeah, and most importantly, those Arizona girls were hot,” one of the men said.

Ye-ah, I like that they seem to be competing for who can wear the least clothes around campus,” the other added.

Half-naked girls. The most important part of any graduate school decision.

The Personal and the Internet

My initial idea was for this blog to be an exploration of feminism and queerness. There is so much to say on both topics. There is so much in the media, and there is so much left out of the media. But, right now, I am struggling with how to approach these topics in a public forum.

As soon as I start examining queerness (and to a lesser extent, feminism), I relate it to the personal. Now don’t get me wrong, this is one of things I love about blogs. They meld facts with experiences, news with anecdotes. In blogs I can read about an individual’s journeys, while also exploring theories. Mr. Sexsmith’s Sugarbutch Chronicles does this amazingly.

I want to be that amazing. However, there are three things holding me back.

First, I’m not convinced that I can do this effectively. Back in the day, I had a Live Journal, a Dead Journal, and a Free Open Diary. Even when my entries started off intelligently, they devolved into the self-absorbed ramblings of an emotional teenager. I’d like to think I’m a bit more level-headed these days, but I can’t be too sure.

On the next level, I’m apprehensive because the things that are most on my mind are the hardest for me to talk about. As I explore queerness, it inevitable leads to sexual orientation, and sexual desire, and what I want and need and desire (and then back to how this is queer). It’s exciting as I become more aware of my desires, but it’s also scary. There is this underlying fear of being judged, and I know I will be by some people. I can talk about things with certain friends, but not others. And this realm is only the second thing I absolutely cannot discuss with my mother. I know I need to talk and write and explore, and this could be a good place to do that. But, it’s still scary.

Finally, I am worried about privacy. In this day and age, most privacy is dead. I know I can protect the identities of friends and acquaintances through pseudonyms or fictionalized accounts. Of course, I’d ask before I posted anything too revealing about anyone else. I’m more concerned about managing my online identities. The simple fact is, I work with children. Anything I do or say could be used against me. I feel like it’s one thing if I blog about feminism in the news, but it’s another to explore issues with my own queer identity. I’m about to edit my “101” and provide less identifying details. Maybe change my “author” name to something even less identifiable. But other than that, the more personal I get, the more theoretical risk I’m taking. (It’s better than it used to be, sexual orientation and gender expression just became protected statuses in my workplace, although I’m not sure when these changes take effect.)

In case you can’t tell, I’m still working on my conclusion to this. Supportive comments or suggestion on how you meld the personal into your blogging would be appreciated.

A Fashion Wish-list

My friend, T-Rex, recently lent me the book It’s So You: 35 Women Write About Personal Expression Through Fashion and Style. Edited by Michelle Tea, this book explores the intersections between fashion and feminism. While I plan on writing a more complete review once I’m finished, I’ve become inspired to share my fashion wish-list. Mind you, my friends, my fashion is always changing. This is what I want right now.

1) Black, motorcycle type boots. I love the tough edge to these. If you’re feeling extra generous, I’m a size 10.

Aldo Shoes: Cadlett

2) Black ankle boots. I have a pair of slouchy black boots, but they are cheap pleather and falling apart. I need a replacement, and I think these would do. I like the crisscrossing straps.

Aldo Shoes: Jestes, in black satin

3) Funky boot/sneakers. I don’t know what it is, but I like these with skinny jeans or skirts and tights. Once again, Aldo seems to offer the perfect pair.In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m currently obsessed with boots.

Aldo Shoes: Crowers, in black satin

4) Funky, equestrian inspired boots. I love these.

Aldo Shoes: Alioto, in cognac

5) A black velvet blazer. I’ve been looking for years for the perfect one, and I still haven’t found it. This Victoria’s Secret one is pretty close, but it’s a little out of my budget.

Victoria's Secret: Velvet Blazer, in black

6) Corduroy blazer. I like to mix the preppy, pulled-together look with my general madness. Picture it with a tee underneath, skinny jeans, and boots (surprise!). It could work.

Victoria's Secret: Three-button blazer in vintage corduroy, in rust

7) A plaid coat. This is one of those things that are in style right now, but I really like it. Who cares that it will be passe next season. I think I could pull it off.

Levi's Women's Blue Plaid Wool Peacoat

8 ) Black, long-sleeve, button-up shirt. I had the perfect one. Unfortunately, it belonged to my ex-girlfriend. I think this is a basic piece of any wardrobe and I need a replacement pronto.

Express: Essential Stretch Long-Sleeve Shirt, only in black

9) Red boots. My mom has a pair from the 1980s, which are pretty much the coolest thing ever. If she is going to be 50 this year, and can still pull them off, so could I.

These are reserved on Etsy, but the perfect pair must exist somewhere out there.

10) A beige suede belt. It’s that simple. I have western-inspired beige suede boots. While I don’t think it’s essential to match your shoes and belt, sometimes I am so inclined.

A simple beige belt

11) A bad-ass leather jacket. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been craving a leather jacket. As a vegetarian, I think I’d feel too hypocritical to wear a real leather jacket. Faux leather would be my first choice, followed by vintage. I figure, if the cow’s been dead thirty years, its hide might as well get some use. I haven’t found the perfect thing anywhere, but here are some pictures for inspiration:

12) I tend to accumulate too much stuff in my wallet, largely because there are too many pockets. I want to simplify in one of two ways: a simple men’s wallet, or a case as a wallet.

Fossil: Men's Evans Zip Passcase

Sex Kitten Cigarette Case/Wallet

And now, I must stop this before I get out of control or before I start to over-analyze what this says about my fashion inclinations.